One Month

Still reaching for phrases to articulate what life has been like without my first love, my hero Dad, but haven’t been able to grab hold of them yet.

I will keep trying.

Meanwhile the amount of varying emotions I’ve been cycling through is rivaled only by the wide range of physical symptoms I’ve had to navigate.

My grief is a full mind-body experience.

This isn’t to say I haven’t experienced joy. It’s made an appearance, here and there, stepping out of the shadows when I’ve least expected it but perhaps most needed it.

I even have days when I think about tomorrow, and I’m not completely terrified.

There is so much more to this, and I hope to one day do justice and find the words to express it, because I’d be hard pressed to remember a time when things felt simultaneously so horrible and also so beautiful.

I will endeavor to find a way.